Ok. I aint exactly uploaded alot of work lately. Because of uni work, trying to find a job, worrying about debts and the main reason being the other half of my soul being away for quite a while.

Shes gone away to be an Activity Instructor (teaching kids to do quadbiking,archery, orienteering,wall-climbing,etc)and i thought i could handle it. But i couldnt. Ive been a wreck. And it annoys me more that I think of myself as being pathetic over the fact i cant last what is effectively, a small amount of time in comparison to the length of the human life cycle.

Any new pieces that i have done just seems to be dark, hateful and oppresive. Now i know a major point of art is visualising your emotions, consciously or sub-consciously. And the work ive created lately is exactly that. But i don't want to post it because its not me. Im not that person. Im ebullient, outgoing and positive. Yet without her here i just feel empty. And yes, this may sound like its going in a loop with me saying 'im not that person' yet if im feeling this and saying this then surely i am that person? But yet m know im not because i know its just me struggling to cope with this person that is a paragon that is quite simply innefible to me.I am slowly getting better though, getting myself out there and back into my skating. Which by the way, was totally fun and awesome. God i missed it

Yet, i dont help myself either. I get to times where i dont leave my computer to even eat. I just sit there listening to depressing or ruminative ( and beautiful, like this one [link] ) or 'our' songs. Come on, in the first week of her being gone i cooked some pasta and bolognese sauce, sat down to eat it and just burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollaby whilst scoffing my face. Im telling you, if it was my mate doing that and i walked in on him, it would be such a depressing sight i would have to laugh due to the family guy-ish nature it could be viewed in (its ok to say that cus i know my mate would do the same lol). I mean i even put her nightie over two pillows and cuddle up to it to sleep, imagining as best as i can its her there and not two pillows. LAME MUCH?

Anyway, sorry to waffle on about it, but its just good to get shit off your chest ya know. Even if it is on the internet to people you've never experienced a physical connection with. I love the community feel that dA has. Its somewhere i can hang out and yet, even though its online, i dont feel alone (thanks to Lazyblazin in particular. Your messages always make me smile). Id like thank everyone here who has watched me, favourited my work or even just viewed my profile and better yet, my work.

In a quick, somewhat abrupt conclusion, thankyou everyone and that^^^ is the reason why havent uploaded much work lately.

Any help or encouraging words of wisdom or anything to make me chuckle (ryan292, you make me giggle like a little schoolgirl sometimes lol) would be greatly appreciated

Ciao all

xxx

<3